Inside Hospice: A Conversation with a Client

After a stroke that hospitalized her for five months (unable to move at all, she told me), after she’d stabilized and transferred to Toronto Rehab, L. was connected with Hospice Toronto.

As L. described her first and her now-frequent experiences with Hospice Toronto volunteers and staff members in an interview, she sounded as though she was describing a love story.

“It was magical,” she said, for example.

Love stories, we think, should be about two individuals, but this one is about community—about tenderness and care that’s deep and continuing, that changes the trajectory and the quality of lives.

When we can’t add days to life, we add life to days, an ethos for Hospice Toronto.

L. recounted how Hospice Toronto volunteers met her at Toronto Rehab, helped her exercise so she could become stronger, return home, gathering all she would need for the transition, from commode to hospital bed.

“They helped me with the right key,” how L. describes Hospice Toronto’s support returning to her own address.

There, L.’s care continued. She had long-time volunteers who visited her weekly.

She began to benefit, also, from the specialist services available through Hospice Toronto.

Reiki one of the services L. highlighted.

She described the reiki received by a Hospice Toronto volunteer this way: “There’s this vibration, right? It helps you to unwind and you don’t feel the pain, you know? So you find it really helps. You don’t feel the pain anymore. You know, you’re just feeling the movement, like it’s going through your body.”

Peacefulness that replaces pain is what L. also emphasized as her experience with other expert care she’s received through Hospice Toronto too—such as expressive arts therapy and spiritual-care services.

When she began in expressive arts therapy, they sang love songs, she told me, and she really loved that. Now, they often create visual art together.

L. described closing her eyes and allowing the image to come through her, to appear on the page, and of being surprised by what’s there when she opens her eyes again.

“Whatever comes to your mind, your thoughts, you’re putting it on paper,” L said. “You just let it flow through you… I have a new perspective on whatever I’ve let just be expressed.”

Visualization and catharsis are potent in art making, as in healing, both experienced in tandem through L.’s creations.

L. also has weekly spiritual care with three other Hospice Toronto clients that she described as offering her connection with others (as well as with the divine).

“Peaceful, soothing, those are the words I would say,” L. told me, “Soothing. Peaceful.”

It is not only the experiences, but also the quality of care that gives L. a deep sense of peace.

“The [Hospice Toronto] coordinators are very supportive,” she told me. “They ask questions. They ask you, how are you doing today? What can I do for you today? Is there anything you need? They ask questions. You feel safe.”

“I look forward to things,” L. said. “You’re not just sitting there. You’re looking forward to who’s coming today. Ten o’clock. One o’clock. And you’re thinking about your week, and next week.”

I asked her how this had made a difference for her, and L. said, “Oh, what a difference. You know, I get up in the morning, try my best to get out of bed… and then I sit in my chair and wait for my visit. For whomever, whichever care. I’m excited, you know, to see that person or hear that person, just whoever it is. I know it’s going to be good.”

The effects are not only qualitative. L. also told me medical tests are better and less frequent because of the care she gets through Hospice Toronto, a quantitative difference.

She told me she thought her doctors were also pleased.

As is her family, who, like L., feel more peaceful. “Your family doesn’t have to worry either,” she told me.

L. said she’s felt strengthened by all the care she’s received since [2012], since her stroke, through a series of other diagnoses, now in palliative care.

Care that was consistent all through COVID too, that gave her, and her family, the sense of peace she emphasized.

“They worked magic, truly magical,” she said, keeping clients connected and cared for through even that crisis.

“Hospice [Toronto] is there for me, and people like me,” L. concluded. “ I thank God for hospice and for the benefits I receive from their support. I’m not worried. No worries. It’s all good.”